Anuptaphobia – Fear of Staying Single




This latter one is something I always bandy back and forth with my sister, though it’s kind of cruel to admit.

(From Post Secret)


About bunkercomplex

My name is Andrea, and I'm a 23 year old Southern California girl and a newly minted Speech-Language Pathologist. When I’m not high-fiving 8-year-olds for finally producing a good /r/ sound, I fill my time with Peter Gabriel, Ayn Rand, Phil Hendrie, bicycles, Korean stationery, movie marathon nights, and baking. You can email me at
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5 Responses to Anuptaphobia – Fear of Staying Single

  1. Mills says:

    I don’t think the concern can reasonably be that we won’t find people out there; at least for me, the concern is that I am not up to the task, am too damaged or critical or judgmental. (I think men conditioned to be visually ruthless by our televisual industry tend to have the guilt and anxiety that stems from being superficial. And none of us have been adequately prepared by the machines of fantasy for the inevitable fact of our own -and our partner’s- aging).

    On the other hand: ~70% of my close friends are married or in long term relationships of varying degrees of subtle weirdness or open catastrophe, and they’re the upper-crust! The whole world is freaks; better to be a freak alone than one attached like Siamese twins in a traveling carnival show!

    Seriously: I have the opposite fear, the fear of entering into a relationship from loneliness or boredom and mistaking the euphoria of novelty with some real connection. I’ve done that a lot!

    Anyway, cheers and all that!

    • bunkercomplex says:

      You know, I’m usually okay with my current status, but when my dad makes comments like, “That’s why you’re single” or asks something to effect of, “What’s the point of dressing up so nicely when going out if you’re not going to approach guys?” it sticks in my craw a little and the black cloud follows for a day or two. He really doesn’t see anything positive about not being married (especially for women), so what can you do with that. He’s also the one who said that if I ever did marry and move out of the state away from him (when I was dating an army guy who was not going to be stationed in California once he was done with military college) he’d essentially cut me from the will. But that’s a story for another day…

  2. Shalom says:

    I going to have to echo the sentiment of Mills. I’m also in the unenviable position of being single and hearing about all my childhood friends getting engaged or celebrating various relationship milestones. Hell, I’m even getting constant status updates on my 17 year old cousin’s romantic life (speaking of which, if it wasn’t for an ocean separating us, I’d be threatening the hell of that guy with all kinds of physical violence at this point). But, in the end I take solace in knowing that it’s better to be patient and single than desperate and miserable in an unfulfilling relationship.

    And let’s put things in perspective, for every genuinely happy couple you see day to day, there are dozens of others that may seem content on the surface but are dysfunctional and incompatible with one another. Do you really envy those guys that hate their lives and want to gnaw off their arms to escape their nagging girlfriends? Or those girls that are being cheated on by their jackass of a boyfriend? Of course not.

    And you.. it’s not like you’re single because of any shortcomings. I’ll have you know that I don’t stalk just ANY girls online, so you must have something special about you to warrant my turning into a lurking creep on your blogs.

    If my meandering and poorly written addendum to Mills’ comment wasn’t enough to convince you, please take a look at this: It’s saccharine and cliche, but there’s some truth to it, especially in your situation.

    • bunkercomplex says:

      I lap up compliments like a whore, so yay! That post is dead-on, and I like hearing a guy’s perspective on the subject.

      I think one problem the past 2 years or so has been crappy timing. A guy is interested, I’m not. I eventually, slowly get interested, but by then he’s with someone else. Once is a bummer, 2-3 more times is just plain “shake fist at God” cruel. Ah well.

  3. Shalom says:

    Ah yes, the ol’ timing problem. If it’s any consolation, I know that story all too well. If it’s not a matter of “sane, attractive, single – choose only two” it’s a matter of the lord of irony turning my existence into one big, elaborate joke. Oh, you’re crazy about a girl, you say? Well, pine after her like a lovesick fool. Once you get tired of that and move on, she will undoubtedly return the feelings. At that point, you won’t care anymore. Lather, rinse, repeat.

    That doesn’t even scratch the surface of the indignities levied upon me in my quest to find a Princess Jasmine to my Aladdin, but like you said, that’s a story for another day. Stories, rather.

    And maybe I’d have better luck if I didn’t make Disney analogies when it comes to finding a nice girl that can tolerate my random bouts of idiocy? Maybe. I’ll use Wall-E and Eve as my metaphor instead. That should do the trick.

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