C.S. Lewis

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.  I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid.  The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning.  I keep on swallowing.

At other times, it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed.  There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me.  I find it hard to take in what anyone says.  Or perhaps, to want to take it in.  It is so uninteresting.  Yet I want the others to be about me.  I dread the moments when the house is empty.  If only they would talk to one another and not me.

There are moments, most unexpectedly, when something inside me tries to assure me that I don’t really mind so much, not so very much, after all.  Love is not the whole of a man’s life.  I was happy before I ever met  H.  I’ve plenty of what are called “resources”.  People get over these things.  Come, I shan’t do so badly.  One is ashamed to listen to this voice but it seems for a little to be making out a good case.  Then comes a sudden jab of red-hot memory and all this “common-sense” vanishes like an ant in the mouth of a furnace.”

– C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

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About bunkercomplex

My name is Andrea, and I'm a 23 year old Southern California girl and a newly minted Speech-Language Pathologist. When I’m not high-fiving 8-year-olds for finally producing a good /r/ sound, I fill my time with Peter Gabriel, Ayn Rand, Phil Hendrie, bicycles, Korean stationery, movie marathon nights, and baking. You can email me at bunkercomplex@gmail.com.
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One Response to C.S. Lewis

  1. Mills says:

    CS Lewis is terribly important, terribly moving; I think he is underrated as a writer partly because of his unnecessary efforts at Christian apologies (unnecessary because nothing transcendent needs defense in the material world anyway) and his children’s fiction, both of which is all excellent but may work against him when he is contemplated by ‘serious’ critics.

    About those critics he’d not give a damn anyway. ‘Surprised by Joy’ is a marvel. This is amazing, too.

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