Quotes Like These Eat Away At My Soul

AOL-era crap

These people are in their 20s. I need to re-evaluate who I’m friends with on that site. And not read/comment on dumb updates at 2AM.

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About bunkercomplex

My name is Andrea, and I'm a 23 year old Southern California girl and a newly minted Speech-Language Pathologist. When I’m not high-fiving 8-year-olds for finally producing a good /r/ sound, I fill my time with Peter Gabriel, Ayn Rand, Phil Hendrie, bicycles, Korean stationery, movie marathon nights, and baking. You can email me at bunkercomplex@gmail.com.
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3 Responses to Quotes Like These Eat Away At My Soul

  1. Mills says:

    Sentimental infantilism gets worse with age, not better; believe me: I’m 28, and my Facebook network has the sort of stuff I would have rejected while still reading Goodnight Moon before bed. (Note: I still read Goodnight Moon before bed, but let’s pretend I mean somewhere around age six).

    This quote betrays a ludicrous misunderstanding of astronomy, physics, and even what it means to “reach.” Imagine reaching for the moon! What would you attempt to grab? I hope not Mills Crater: I have dibs on that site. If you were falling towards the moon’s surface, somehow “reaching” for it and “fall[ing] short,” you wouldn’t fly magically over the lunar landscape, leave its field of gravity, hurtle through the vacuum of space, then land on a star! Imagine the same proposal with Earth: I leap from the ISS and “reach for the Earth.” I “fall short” and expect to land on the stars? What?

    Stars are incredibly hot; in most phases of their existence, they are continuous nuclear explosions on a scale so great that their gravity holds them together despite the force of their fusion. Is this where you want to land after a long trip through inhospitable space? There is a reason no one ever asks: “Could there be life on stars?”

    And if you fell, scraping yourself to mere atoms while being magically dragged across the moon, arms outstretched and “reaching” for it, and passed through the depths of frozen, empty space, whatever’s left of you bursting and freezing, and plopped onto a star and incinerated, vaporized, disappeared forever, but somehow retained a small bit of essence that then fell onto a mountain top on some proximate planet’s mountains: what kind of planet is this? Is it habitable? Do you have mountain climbing equipment? I mean, has Ruthie seen Touching the Void? You don’t want to be injured on a mountaintop without equipment.

    Honestly, you should pray for splatter: every other option is just too horrible to contemplate.

    (And yet this still beats the people I know!).

    • bunkercomplex says:

      By far my favorite comment left here. Well done.

      Unrelated note: Have you seen this Scientology article (video and report) interviewing 2 of the top members who had worked directly with Miscavige and have blown the cult? Kind of amazing that we get to witness the steady implosion.

  2. Shalom says:

    Right. So, I came here with the intention of leaving a hastily conceived joke regarding the feel good quote of the year, and I see that Mills has destroyed any chance for anyone to say anything remotely funnier than his all-encompassing comment.

    Basically, damn you Mills.

    And instead of leaving comments on dumb updates at 2AM, you should post some of your own inspirational quotes. Only, you should translate them for what they’re really trying to say. This quote, for instance, could be reinterpreted as “Try! Because even if you suck at it, at least you’ll be a little bit less of a loser! Because seriously, you’re a huge loser right now! “

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