If I did this 5 years ago, it would be about 50 items longer (seriously, I had “High School Edition Parts I-IV”, College Edition” “NBA Edition”, “Politics Edition”, etc.). Either I’m not as big of a perpetually annoyed jackass now or my apathy has increased tenfold.
- Watching movies with people who’ve already seen it and they turn to look at your expression during every scene.
- Price stickers (and the dreaded “O” Oprah sticker; or even worse the permanent print on the cover) that leave residue on book covers. It’s 2009, meaning there are definitely weaker glue adhesives available. So I don’t know what game these retailers are playing with us but I’m pretty sure it’s spiteful. And a big thumbs down to Barnes & Noble when they take a sharpie and mark the discounted books’ page edges with an ugly black streak. Might as well brand my forehead with that sharpie marking me as a discount book buyer and be done with it.
- When my legs are restless/tired and sitting down doesn’t alleviate it.
- People who don’t hold the door open for those close behind them who are also exiting.
- Guys who will speed up to get in front of you to exit a room, not to hold the door but just to slip through the crack before the doors slam shut (I remember you, guy with the black moppy hair and red tattered shirt in that ’06 undergrad Diversity in Theatre class).
- Boys who say that chivalry is dead because girls don’t like it. It’s dead to girls who you shouldn’t be marrying. Now open the door, pull out my chair, and walk on the left side of me when we stroll down a sidewalk, damn it.
- Smart students who fake their modesty. “Yeah, I probably bombed that test…” Shut up. You know you didn’t, I know you didn’t, it’s more likely you’re responsible for killing the curve for the rest of the class, and we’re not oblivious to it just because you fake like you’re one of the plebs. On the flip side, I’ve encountered a large number of women in my major who aggressively seek out information on how everyone else did on their tests and papers. Did I secretly cheer when I overheard a person had gotten a C on a test (back when we were all clawing for grad school spots), uh of course, but I didn’t count the A’s on the grade sheet and then go around pointedly asking who the 7 people with A’s were. Majors with 99% females are awful.
- Really good songs that go about 1-3 minutes longer than they should. Unless you’re adding something amazing in those extra minutes to warrant a 6 minute song, learn to snip snip.
- Calorie-counting. When I have to weigh the grams of a dumb red bell pepper and zucchini, it’s time to pack it in. In other news, I managed to drop 3 lbs by slavishly counting for the past month, so.. yay, I guess.